Night 7

Night 7...
It started out pretty good.  I thought from the way things were going it was going to be a great night...and then. 
Routine started - Dinner, bath, boob and bed.

She dozed off while nursing so I knew I had to get her in bed asap!  I woke her up, laid her down in bed.  She cried for about 5 seconds then was fast asleep.  I was doing a victory dance.  Woohoo, great night! This was at 10:30pm.

I went to bed at 11pm thinking I will have lots of sleep tonight!

1:30am - She woke up.  Cried and cried and cried some more!
I finally got her back to sleep at 3:30 - Awesome, I can at least get a few more hours of sleep before I am up at 6:30. 
4 am Hubby comes home from work, she wakes up. 
After trying for a while to get her back down my husband tells me to just go to sleep and he will get her to sleep.
I went to sleep at 6am.  She went to sleep at 7am - Then woke back up at 8:30, wailing!  Way beyond over tired.
Finally got her back asleep by 9am and its now 10:50!

Luckily my 12 year old had a 2 hour delay, but then...She woke up sicker then a dog. 
So whats on my agenda today?
Take care of one sick kiddo and one cranky one.

Gotta love sleepless nights :)
<3 being a mommy!

What makes a writer?

I have been working on a novel for, dare I say it - embarrassingly enough - years!  I start writing and get excited about the work that I am doing then the inevitable pops into my head - rejection.  What if I spend years devoting myself to writing this novel and nothing ever comes of it? Will that be good enough for me?  I'm sure my friends and family will read it just to make me feel better, but is that enough?  What makes a person a writer anyways?  Is it the fact that they write, or is it that they took years of schooling to learn the proper grammar and the proper way to write?  Could I be justifiably considered a writer just by grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil and writing down what I believe is good?  

I want nothing more than to finish this novel.  It is one of my goals in life to at least complete one novel whether it gets published or not.

I stopped writing for a few years because the main character in my story was pregnant.  I had been trying for 6 years to get pregnant myself.  I could just no longer bring myself to write about someone being pregnant when that was what I wanted the most.  I told myself until I experienced being pregnant for myself I could not emotionally, write about it.  I now have an 8 month old daughter and no more excuses!  However in my mind it keeps taking me back to rejection.  I know that my writing isn't perfect and never will be, I didn't go to school to write, I don't know all the proper things about it.  The one thing that I do know is how much I love to write.

So...hopefully sometime in the near future I will be able to officially say I wrote a novel!

Dreadful night 6!

Night 6...
I'm not even going to lie, it was brutal.  I might even say torturous!!  It was by far way worse then night 1!  She cried for 2 hours.  I mean really cried.  After the first hour I finally picked her up to shush her and calm her down.  She was way over worked and wouldnt settle herself.  I thought calming her would help.  I laid her back down and it started right back up.  I sang and read her a book.  When she finally fell asleep I was so relieved.  But then...She only slept 3 hours and was up and ready to stay up.  So where did she end up?  In bed, with me.  If I didnt have to get up early every morning it wouldnt bother me to lay there on the floor every night trying to get her back to sleep, but I have a 12 year old that has to get up for school.  So she just goes straight into my bed.  Will it ever end??  Please my dear child, sleep!!
So night 6, epic fail!

Operation get baby to sleep!

So we are trying our own form of sleep training.  I searched and googled and couldn't find anything I was comfortable with doing.  My daughter is a nursling.  She LOVES to nurse.  I have being a human pacifier.  It was cute at first, but having an 8 month old attached at the boob all day and night, well...its getting a little old. 

I really hate the thought of letting my daughter lay there and cry for hours because of something that was my fault.  I let her become dependant on needing the breast to sleep.  So why should I punish her by forcing her to cry it out!

My sleep training method...
Dinner, bath, nurse, hugs and kisses, lay in bed.  I lay down beside her bed and sing to her and talk to her.

So night one...
Terrible!  I never thought it would end!  She only cried for about a total of 20 minutes or so...but it was mostly whimpering.  I laid there and sang and we "talked" she crawled around in her bed.  Towards the end is where it got rough.  She rubbed her eyes, yawned, cried, did the sign for milk...it was breaking my heart.  But after an hour and half laying there, my voice hoarse from singing so much I was NOT going to give up!  So she finally did.  She laid her beautiful little head down and fell asleep!  I was shocked!!  I knew right then it was possible!  She ended up sleeping 8 hours that night!  Another first!

Night 2...
A little better.  It took an hour this time.  She slept for about 6 hours.

Night 3...
Hubby was home, he held her and sang her to sleep.  She only slept 4 hours then was in bed with us :/ FAIL!

Night 4...
I nursed her, she didnt fall asleep! Score!  She didnt use me as a pacifier!  I laid her down, then laid down next to her bed.  She rolled over on her tummy, sighed...and fell asleep!  One minute!  Shew that was easy.  But it gets better!  She slept.... 11 1/2 HOURS!!!  Wow!

Night 5...
Not so good.  She wasnt feeling well.  So what do I do when this happens.  It is all just being made up in my mind,  have NO clue!  Laid her down, not happening!  She wailed.  She wants mommy to cuddle her.  So after 20 minutes of blood curdling screams I gave in.  If it was a normal night, she felt fine...I would have let her cry a little - but not that kind of cry and not when she doesn't feel good.  I nursed her for a little while and laid her back down.  She fell asleep right away, but only slept for an hour.  Boo.  Teething and reflux together, does not mix well with sleep training!  So gave her medicene.  Then my husband held/sang her to sleep.  She slept a few more hours (2) then was right back in bed with us.  Where did she only not sleep at all, she was crawling all over us wanting to play.  So night 5 I will have to conclude, was an EPIC FAIL!

This is all trial and error, of course there will be plenty of set backs.  But my ultimate goal is of course to get her to sleep on her own.  Not need to pacify herself all night long with my breast.  This child will wake up from being sound asleep when the nipple leaves her mouth!

So, on to night 6!  Details to come!! 

"Whats for dinner"

If you are considering staying at home, be prepared!  Prepare for long hours, nonstop to-do lists, no help, and hearing "whats for dinner" way to many times.  Its very rewarding to be able to stay at home and raise your children, but it comes with lots of hardships.  You go from being appreciated and needed at your place of employment and paid for your efforts, to being the maid.  My day consists of, "where is my belt", "what did you do with my bra".  Yes I am so terribly sorry I misplaced your items that you were wearing.  The way over used, annoying saying that I have come accustomed to hearing at least 5 times a day, "whats for dinner".  I have no clue what is for dinner my sweet beloved family, because when I awoke this morning to figure out what was for dinner in 10 hours I was put to work finding all of your belongings that you lost.  After having found each item, I'm then spending my time running around the house picking up all of your belongings that you tossed everywhere trying to find one thing, while tending to a very tired grumpy baby.  After I had told you right where it was and walked right to that exact spot and found it myself.  So onward my day goes to try and figure out the dreaded "what on earth is for dinner".  I stumble upon some laundry, not just a little, but 5 loads of laundry.  How could this be?  I just finished all of it yesterday!  To the washer I go.  While its washing I will figure out what is for dinner.  Wrong.  The sink is over flowing with dishes.  Didnt I just do them all yesterday?  Dishes are finally done, buzzer went off on the washer so tend to that.  Now the baby is hungry and fussy.  Try to entertain her while I clean up the entire dog worth of dog hair making tumble hair balls across the house.  Now, find whats for dinner!  Buzzer again.  Babys not happy.  Dogs need to potty.  Its 3pm already, pick my daughter up from school already!  Where did the day go!  "Hi sweetie how was your day at school?"  "It sucked, whats for dinner?" 
The wonderful, amazing, exhausting life of a stay at home mommy!